We Dug Up Tim Richmond And Entered Him In This Weekend’s ARCA Race

Tim Richmond is making his long awaited return to the race track this weekend. The flamboyant extrovert is scheduled to make his first ARCA start of the season at Five Flags Speedway this weekend.

Richmond sadly passed away in August of 1989 after a battle with AIDS/Pneumonia. The Ohio native captured 13 NASCAR Cup Series wins in his brief time in the sport. Many have wondered what could have been should Richmond have lived.

Thanks to the advancements of modern technology and science.

via GIPHY

We are able to bring Tim back from the dead to resume his racing career. One thing though, it’s just his brain. We Walt Disney’d this shit and took his brain, put it in a younger, more useful body. He looks like a 16-year old kid from Illinois. But we got him back and we’re looking to win races.

On a side note if you’re an attractive female please stay away, we need all of his attention on the track and you know, he’s in the body of a 16-year old. Further side note, if you own a pair of Ray Ban aviators, let us know.

Downside to all of this, we’re in a Wayne Peterson car. The #06 to be exact but we’re told the windshield won’t be held on by duct tape. And the pit stops won’t feature a 3-ton Craftsman jack from the local Sears that weights about the same as a mini horse.

Look out for Tim this weekend at Five Flags. Started at the bottom is a motto, Tim still doesn’t know who Drake is though.

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